So I am officially putting in my two weeks today at Old fuckin Navy. It's about time right? I can't stand it there, I get treated horribly, there is no organization there whatsoever and I get paid shit. So really. I'm doing myself a favor. After working there for... about a month? Yeah. I think I got hired on November 4th. It's about time that I stop giving myself grey hairs from a job that I hate.
And then guess what? I'm planning on signing up for unemployment again. Because it's the best solution for my current predicament. Very excited to start getting the ball rolling in the right direction.
It's funny because these are things that I've been wanting to do, but I just never made the decision to actually do them. All it took was me deciding that I wanted and needed to do it. I made the mental decision and said, Yes. I will quit Old Navy. I will sign back up for unemployment. I will do those things because I need to.
I say that things are looking up because after making that choice, I already feel better. I still feel a little ehhh about the unemployment but the benefits outweigh the negatives in this case. I have far too many obligations and things to worry about to worry about integrity and whether or not it's the right thing for me to be getting unemployment. Once the holidays are all said and done, and-- oh crap. I... really need to submit my transcripts to Sonoma. Wow I really have to do that. Because this is the last week of school... shoot. o.O Anyway, yeah once the holidays are done then I can start thinking about the future and big people jobs and whatnot.
God I miss my boyfriend. I really wish I could hold him right now. He was here for about three days recently and having him around for that long was absolutely wonderful. It felt so right to have him close to me and to have him be near me. Long-distance sucks. Big time. Hm... I had this horrifying dream with him in it the other night. I'm not sure whether I should write it out here because it's quite exxxplicit, if you catch my drift. All I will say about it is the fact that thinking about it even now, I hate it. I hated that dream. It was one of the worst dreams I've had in a while. Sigh.
Well I got some cash from my dad yesterday. So that was nice too. Then I'm getting paid next Friday and it should be a decent paycheck because of Black Friday and Thanksgiving. I just need to sign up for unemployment then I can start taking care of business. I want to get my boyfriend this shirt sooo badly. Because he loves pac-man and parodies of it. But it's $24 and I only got like $60 from my dad, then I'm going to cash my check from work at some check cashing place and get like $17. So that's like $77 bucks. Sigh. And I need $31 dollars to renew my license, then the rest will probably just go in my gas tank.
I still have to pay Kitty for the cell phone bills and whatnot, then I STILL have to balance my checking account. Because it's still in the red. That why I keep getting phone calls from that random 503 number. I've already gotten that call 3 times today. Ridiculous huh? Do they just think that I'll magically pick up after all the previous times that I didn't pick up? And why don't they EVER leave a voice mail? God they are so stupid. Good thing I never put the house number down anymore because they would have called that like hella times by now. Ugh. Collectors are dumb.
Anywayyyy things will get better. And I'll be able to actually have them not call me soon. And I'll be able to start putting more money towards my credit card. And I'll be able to balance my checking account. And I'll be able to visit my boyfriend. And I can put more money in my
*********
Everything that I have just said has now been rendered irrelevant because my step-mom just walked in and asked for $50. Because I haven't paid for that stupid $10 a month bullshit data plan for... five months apparently. I am so upset right now. So upset. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm gonna go because I feel like wallowing in misery.
Later Days
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Black Fri--er wait. Never mind.
Black Friday.
Doomsday.
The Apocolypse.
2012.
The Day Rebecca Black's video went viral.
These are all horrible events that happen/happened and that completely make the world more awful.
*****
okay I wrote that stuff above like two days ago when I posted that other... post. And I'm supposed to be typing a paper right now but I am far too... distraught to write anything resembling a cohesive sentence. Well, at least outside of this blog post. Because writing about friggin Jay Gatsby and damn Daisy are not on my mind right now. I just need to get this out really quickly before I explode because I really do want to finish this paper before my boyfriend gets off work so I can bitch and rant to him what I'm about to tell you.
I just got a talking to from my stupid ass job. Aka, they pulled me aside, said, "We think you have an attitude problem," and I stood there like WTF? I'm sorry, ME? An attitude problem? Are you fucking shitting me? Okay I may seem like I have an attitude problem NOW but that's because they freaking pushed me into it! It's like when you're calm and serene and someone runs up to you and says, "CALM DOWN! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!" You're obviously going to be agitated and be like, Bitch! I am calm! What the hell is wrong with you?
I got talked to twice, by two people. Because the first person was just relaying the message of my bitch boss, let's call her, Melanie. Fuckin Melanie obviously is the one that told alllll the other manager's "Jessica's got an attitude problem. She needs to get straightened out if you know what I mean."
GOD DAMNIT. I AM SO PISSED OFF.
*sigh* I wish. That Old Navy never happened. I wish hadn't of called them back asking for the job, I wish that I had just kept getting unemployment, I wish that I hadn't of done the right thing. Because Old Navy wasn't the right thing. I had a gut feeling that I wouldn't like it. And boom. This is what I freaking get for thinking so. Such bullshit.
"We get the idea that you don't want to be here."
You're DAMN RIGHT I don't want to be there! How do ya figure that? Wow! You must be really, really smart huh? I am so impressed by your intuition it baffles me. God...
There's so much more. I'm filtering a lot of it for the purpose of time. I'd seriously type out the conversations that I had with both of the managers but I have to start working on this paper. Blahhhh
Sigh. I just want my boyfriend to get here so he can hold me and tell me that I am actually a good person and I don't have an attitude problem.
Right?
Later Days
Doomsday.
The Apocolypse.
2012.
The Day Rebecca Black's video went viral.
These are all horrible events that happen/happened and that completely make the world more awful.
*****
okay I wrote that stuff above like two days ago when I posted that other... post. And I'm supposed to be typing a paper right now but I am far too... distraught to write anything resembling a cohesive sentence. Well, at least outside of this blog post. Because writing about friggin Jay Gatsby and damn Daisy are not on my mind right now. I just need to get this out really quickly before I explode because I really do want to finish this paper before my boyfriend gets off work so I can bitch and rant to him what I'm about to tell you.
I just got a talking to from my stupid ass job. Aka, they pulled me aside, said, "We think you have an attitude problem," and I stood there like WTF? I'm sorry, ME? An attitude problem? Are you fucking shitting me? Okay I may seem like I have an attitude problem NOW but that's because they freaking pushed me into it! It's like when you're calm and serene and someone runs up to you and says, "CALM DOWN! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!" You're obviously going to be agitated and be like, Bitch! I am calm! What the hell is wrong with you?
I got talked to twice, by two people. Because the first person was just relaying the message of my bitch boss, let's call her, Melanie. Fuckin Melanie obviously is the one that told alllll the other manager's "Jessica's got an attitude problem. She needs to get straightened out if you know what I mean."
GOD DAMNIT. I AM SO PISSED OFF.
*sigh* I wish. That Old Navy never happened. I wish hadn't of called them back asking for the job, I wish that I had just kept getting unemployment, I wish that I hadn't of done the right thing. Because Old Navy wasn't the right thing. I had a gut feeling that I wouldn't like it. And boom. This is what I freaking get for thinking so. Such bullshit.
"We get the idea that you don't want to be here."
You're DAMN RIGHT I don't want to be there! How do ya figure that? Wow! You must be really, really smart huh? I am so impressed by your intuition it baffles me. God...
There's so much more. I'm filtering a lot of it for the purpose of time. I'd seriously type out the conversations that I had with both of the managers but I have to start working on this paper. Blahhhh
Sigh. I just want my boyfriend to get here so he can hold me and tell me that I am actually a good person and I don't have an attitude problem.
Right?
Later Days
Saturday, November 26, 2011
F*cking Old Navy
*begin rant*
Hey guys,
Sorry it's been a while. I've been really wanting to put up something for a while but things have just been a litte crazy, what with the holidays and all...
I was planning on writing about my current job a little bit, because honestly, it sucks.
First off, I don't know if I wrote it on here, but I never wanted to work there. I was sitting there in the interview and just saying to myself, wow. I really don't want to work here. I just have this feeling I won't like it. Boy howdy was I right. So the first mark that they have against them is the fact that they didn't give me a shift for two weeks. That's after being immediately hired. They didn't give me a shift for-- actually over two weeks technically. My first four "shifts" composed of me sitting in a back room getting read to about how Old Navy is amazing and how we need to act and blah blah blah bullshit. So, when I finally do get a shift, I go into work and the first thing that happens is the store manager says to me, "You were supposed to work yesterday." I stared back at her, shocked. I had no idea. So I tell her that I honestly had no idea that I was supposed to work that day and she says, "Yeah. It says on the schedule," so I say what I'm supposed to in this situation which is, "Well I didn't get a phone call." Which is entirely true. They didn't call me. They didn't think it important enough. And she says to me after I told her about that, "Oh we were just too busy." Too busy? Too busy? Too busy to call your own employee and ask them about their whereabouts? Too busy to pick up the phone, call someone, and say, "Heyyyy.... where are ya?" I guess so. Just "too busy." The stupid part about them is, when I went in the next day thinking that that was when my shift was supposed to be, they didn't bother correcting me either, telling me that my shift was supposed to be yesterday. I had to figure it out myself. I went in for a shift that I wasn't supposed to have. Wtf?
That's just the first thing. There's more. I had to work on Thanksgiving. Yeah yeah, I know. Lots of people have to work on Thanksgiving, in fact, I had to work on Thanksgiving last year. I'm not really bitching about that (because hey, I got time and a half) but it's the fact that they were OPEN on Thanksgiving. The reason why this baffles me is because the rest of the mall was closed. But, because this Old Navy isn't inside the mall, but like, outside it, they have their own rules. So they were open. And the other reason why this bothers me, is because of this other main point that I have.
Old Navy preaches and talks about "the Family" constantly. How we cater towards the family, how we care about the family, how the family is the most important thing to Old Navy. So if family is so important, Old Navy, why is it that you are open on a goddamn holiday that boasts about nothing else but being with your family so your own employees can't be with their families? This is America. They sell t-shirts with the American flags on them! And here they are, being open on one of America's biggest holidays, just so they can make an extra buck. God almighty. We learned SO much about this stupid "family" that apparently Old Navy spent millions of dollars studying about. We had to read this fifty page, spiral bound book about this idiotic family and how we must bend over backwards for them even after only getting paid barely over minimum wage. It's ridiculous. God I hate this place. Oh and there's more. MUCH more.
I had to work Black Friday. Yes, yes I KNOW. Lots of other people had to work Black Friday. I'm aware. But that's not the principle of why I'm discussing it. I'm bringing up Black Friday because I am still recuperating from it. It was chaotic. It was draining. It was exhausting. And sooo not worth it. I think I might make an entire post about how awful it was. Because Black Friday was horrendous, I decided to call in sick today because seriously, with the day and night that I had yesterday, I needed today. (Plus I have a paper I actually need to work on... XD)Last night I had a splitting headache and was very queasy. My head still hurts in fact. I set my alarm for eight because I wanted to call them with plenty of time for them to find a replacement. Considerate of me, right? Well when I called, the store manager picks up and I tell her I am simply too unwell to work today. And she tells me, "Just so you know, since you are a seasonal to temporary employee, every time you call in sick you get a point against you, and you are allowed up to two before we take action which leads to termination." You hear that? I am allowed to only call in sick twice before they fire me. TWICE. Really?? OH oh, I forgot the OTHER thing that I found out. Whenever I'm working, I have to print out a little receipt indicating every time I have taken a break. As in, Every. Single. Time. I take a break, I have to walk over to an empty cash register, fiddle around with some fucking buttons and print out a receipt to make sure that I haven't gone over my time for my break. ARE YOU SERIOUS. It's like having to raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom all over again! I'm an adult, I'm responsible. And if you give me incentive to want to work, then hey, I'll work. I'll get up and do my stuff. But forcing me to have to do this little thing, proving that I haven't gone a minute over (god forbid!) of my break just so you guys can watch us more closely with your microscopes. It's a nightmare. Utter nightmare.
*looooooong sigh*
Old Navy is completely, totally and horribly awful. Every other job I've had has been better than this one. And I worked through a store liquidation sale for Christ's sake! My god. I'm going to start applying to other places the second my head stops hurting because really, this is ridiculous. I can't wait to not work there anymore. It will be a glorious day indeed. To others working at Old Navy, or heaven forbid, the Gap, I am sorry. But if you're one of those people who perpetuate this awful machine that the Gap is running then I blame you. You can stop this. You can end this horrible treatment of employees. If you don't, then continue doing nothing. If you do, then seriously, good on you. Anyway, *end rant.*
PS. I never mentioned that they have't properly trained me in anything. Yeah. No training. Just me bumbling along. So stupid. so stupid.
Later Days
Hey guys,
Sorry it's been a while. I've been really wanting to put up something for a while but things have just been a litte crazy, what with the holidays and all...
I was planning on writing about my current job a little bit, because honestly, it sucks.
First off, I don't know if I wrote it on here, but I never wanted to work there. I was sitting there in the interview and just saying to myself, wow. I really don't want to work here. I just have this feeling I won't like it. Boy howdy was I right. So the first mark that they have against them is the fact that they didn't give me a shift for two weeks. That's after being immediately hired. They didn't give me a shift for-- actually over two weeks technically. My first four "shifts" composed of me sitting in a back room getting read to about how Old Navy is amazing and how we need to act and blah blah blah bullshit. So, when I finally do get a shift, I go into work and the first thing that happens is the store manager says to me, "You were supposed to work yesterday." I stared back at her, shocked. I had no idea. So I tell her that I honestly had no idea that I was supposed to work that day and she says, "Yeah. It says on the schedule," so I say what I'm supposed to in this situation which is, "Well I didn't get a phone call." Which is entirely true. They didn't call me. They didn't think it important enough. And she says to me after I told her about that, "Oh we were just too busy." Too busy? Too busy? Too busy to call your own employee and ask them about their whereabouts? Too busy to pick up the phone, call someone, and say, "Heyyyy.... where are ya?" I guess so. Just "too busy." The stupid part about them is, when I went in the next day thinking that that was when my shift was supposed to be, they didn't bother correcting me either, telling me that my shift was supposed to be yesterday. I had to figure it out myself. I went in for a shift that I wasn't supposed to have. Wtf?
That's just the first thing. There's more. I had to work on Thanksgiving. Yeah yeah, I know. Lots of people have to work on Thanksgiving, in fact, I had to work on Thanksgiving last year. I'm not really bitching about that (because hey, I got time and a half) but it's the fact that they were OPEN on Thanksgiving. The reason why this baffles me is because the rest of the mall was closed. But, because this Old Navy isn't inside the mall, but like, outside it, they have their own rules. So they were open. And the other reason why this bothers me, is because of this other main point that I have.
Old Navy preaches and talks about "the Family" constantly. How we cater towards the family, how we care about the family, how the family is the most important thing to Old Navy. So if family is so important, Old Navy, why is it that you are open on a goddamn holiday that boasts about nothing else but being with your family so your own employees can't be with their families? This is America. They sell t-shirts with the American flags on them! And here they are, being open on one of America's biggest holidays, just so they can make an extra buck. God almighty. We learned SO much about this stupid "family" that apparently Old Navy spent millions of dollars studying about. We had to read this fifty page, spiral bound book about this idiotic family and how we must bend over backwards for them even after only getting paid barely over minimum wage. It's ridiculous. God I hate this place. Oh and there's more. MUCH more.
I had to work Black Friday. Yes, yes I KNOW. Lots of other people had to work Black Friday. I'm aware. But that's not the principle of why I'm discussing it. I'm bringing up Black Friday because I am still recuperating from it. It was chaotic. It was draining. It was exhausting. And sooo not worth it. I think I might make an entire post about how awful it was. Because Black Friday was horrendous, I decided to call in sick today because seriously, with the day and night that I had yesterday, I needed today. (Plus I have a paper I actually need to work on... XD)Last night I had a splitting headache and was very queasy. My head still hurts in fact. I set my alarm for eight because I wanted to call them with plenty of time for them to find a replacement. Considerate of me, right? Well when I called, the store manager picks up and I tell her I am simply too unwell to work today. And she tells me, "Just so you know, since you are a seasonal to temporary employee, every time you call in sick you get a point against you, and you are allowed up to two before we take action which leads to termination." You hear that? I am allowed to only call in sick twice before they fire me. TWICE. Really?? OH oh, I forgot the OTHER thing that I found out. Whenever I'm working, I have to print out a little receipt indicating every time I have taken a break. As in, Every. Single. Time. I take a break, I have to walk over to an empty cash register, fiddle around with some fucking buttons and print out a receipt to make sure that I haven't gone over my time for my break. ARE YOU SERIOUS. It's like having to raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom all over again! I'm an adult, I'm responsible. And if you give me incentive to want to work, then hey, I'll work. I'll get up and do my stuff. But forcing me to have to do this little thing, proving that I haven't gone a minute over (god forbid!) of my break just so you guys can watch us more closely with your microscopes. It's a nightmare. Utter nightmare.
*looooooong sigh*
Old Navy is completely, totally and horribly awful. Every other job I've had has been better than this one. And I worked through a store liquidation sale for Christ's sake! My god. I'm going to start applying to other places the second my head stops hurting because really, this is ridiculous. I can't wait to not work there anymore. It will be a glorious day indeed. To others working at Old Navy, or heaven forbid, the Gap, I am sorry. But if you're one of those people who perpetuate this awful machine that the Gap is running then I blame you. You can stop this. You can end this horrible treatment of employees. If you don't, then continue doing nothing. If you do, then seriously, good on you. Anyway, *end rant.*
PS. I never mentioned that they have't properly trained me in anything. Yeah. No training. Just me bumbling along. So stupid. so stupid.
Later Days
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Clouds
You know, I'd like to say that I'm not depressed. I'd like to say that things are better. I'd like to say that I'm doing alright right now.
But I can't. Because that would be lying. Unfortunately, lately, for the past several.. well... months actually, I've just had this hanging cloud of... sadness over me. I know, I know. Cliche right? But I don't know how else to describe it. No matter what I do, it's like there's this black lining to everything, even if it's something fun or something that I enjoy doing. It doesn't matter because it's like, I can't find joy in things anymore all because of money.
My birthday is on Tuesday. My boyfriend is coming down to visit me and staying for three whole days. I'm probably not going to go to any of my classes this week. I'm going to the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn with my best friend. And yet... There's still a gaping hole in my chest, that feels like... a void. A nothing. Like if I fall into that hole, there will be nothing there. And I'll just keep falling.
I tell everyone, "Yes. I'm excited for my birthday." But that's just purely mechanical. Because normally, as in, my whole life other than this year, I've legitimately always been excited for my birthday. I'm smiling a lot more, I get gifts for God's sake, I get a ton of attention for a while (and we all know how much I love that XD) and it's just a happy time. This year it's just... alright well. I get a brief hiatus from being completely depressed for a while. Oh but after your birthday is all said and done, you have to get back into your real life and deal with the real shit. It's just hard I guess...
I want
I want to be happy again.
I want to... Not worry so much about things. I want to not have a negative balance in my checking account. I want to stop stealing. I want to have a good source of income so I can put gas in my tank and pay off my credit card bill every month.
ALL of these things are important. And ALL of them require more money. More money than I actually have. Because guess what folks? I got my first paycheck on Friday and guess how much it was for? $80. Oh did I forget to put another number before or after either of those--nope. That's it. Eighty dollars. FML. So, not only is that not enough to get my checking account back into the black, but it's barely enough to fill my tank AND renew my license. A license renewal costs $31. Wtf? Really? Come on guys. I'd rather re-take the damn test then pay money. Geez..
Oh and to top everything else off, I only got scheduled to work once this week. And I didn't work at all this past week. So that's ONE shift in two weeks.
I MAY AS WELL HAVE KEPT GETTING UNEMPLOYMENT.
Does anybody else agree with me on that? I said how much I got from them. $222 a week. That's right, not only would I have gotten $200 bucks, but it would have been weekly! That money alone would have been enough to get me back in the black, and keep a steady income while I'm still finishing school and put money in my tank. But instead I'm getting paid 80 fucking dollars every TWO weeks?? SIGH. All because I have to have a "good conscience" and I decided to get a job. All because I thought it'd be stupid not to take it. I decided to take this stupid fucking job at a place that I don't even like. I hate Old Navy. People that work there are jerks usually. And seriously, I don't even associate myself with working there yet. It's like when I walk in there, I don't feel like a customer anymore, but I also don't feel like an employee because I have't actually worked any freaking shifts. I'm in a limbo with that stupid store. Fuck that place.
I'm sorry for all the F-bombs, but I'm very upset right now. See? This is what happens when I start thinking about all the crap in my life. There's so much bad, so much. It is physically difficult for me to be happy. I'm really sorry guys that this is so depressing, but I guess... I am depressed. I don't want to be. But it's hard. It's hard to be happy when you feel like there isn't a reason to be.
I just want me boyfriend to get here so I can forget about things for a while. So I won't have to... be shoved into sadness everyday. Then my birthday will be here and... maybe... I will actually be happy. I want to be happy so much I could cry. I miss not worrying. I miss not caring. It was so lovely. Maybe someday... that'll happen again. In the meantime, I'll just try and fight off these clouds of sadness, because that's all I can do.
Later days
But I can't. Because that would be lying. Unfortunately, lately, for the past several.. well... months actually, I've just had this hanging cloud of... sadness over me. I know, I know. Cliche right? But I don't know how else to describe it. No matter what I do, it's like there's this black lining to everything, even if it's something fun or something that I enjoy doing. It doesn't matter because it's like, I can't find joy in things anymore all because of money.
My birthday is on Tuesday. My boyfriend is coming down to visit me and staying for three whole days. I'm probably not going to go to any of my classes this week. I'm going to the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn with my best friend. And yet... There's still a gaping hole in my chest, that feels like... a void. A nothing. Like if I fall into that hole, there will be nothing there. And I'll just keep falling.
I tell everyone, "Yes. I'm excited for my birthday." But that's just purely mechanical. Because normally, as in, my whole life other than this year, I've legitimately always been excited for my birthday. I'm smiling a lot more, I get gifts for God's sake, I get a ton of attention for a while (and we all know how much I love that XD) and it's just a happy time. This year it's just... alright well. I get a brief hiatus from being completely depressed for a while. Oh but after your birthday is all said and done, you have to get back into your real life and deal with the real shit. It's just hard I guess...
I want
I want to be happy again.
I want to... Not worry so much about things. I want to not have a negative balance in my checking account. I want to stop stealing. I want to have a good source of income so I can put gas in my tank and pay off my credit card bill every month.
ALL of these things are important. And ALL of them require more money. More money than I actually have. Because guess what folks? I got my first paycheck on Friday and guess how much it was for? $80. Oh did I forget to put another number before or after either of those--nope. That's it. Eighty dollars. FML. So, not only is that not enough to get my checking account back into the black, but it's barely enough to fill my tank AND renew my license. A license renewal costs $31. Wtf? Really? Come on guys. I'd rather re-take the damn test then pay money. Geez..
Oh and to top everything else off, I only got scheduled to work once this week. And I didn't work at all this past week. So that's ONE shift in two weeks.
I MAY AS WELL HAVE KEPT GETTING UNEMPLOYMENT.
Does anybody else agree with me on that? I said how much I got from them. $222 a week. That's right, not only would I have gotten $200 bucks, but it would have been weekly! That money alone would have been enough to get me back in the black, and keep a steady income while I'm still finishing school and put money in my tank. But instead I'm getting paid 80 fucking dollars every TWO weeks?? SIGH. All because I have to have a "good conscience" and I decided to get a job. All because I thought it'd be stupid not to take it. I decided to take this stupid fucking job at a place that I don't even like. I hate Old Navy. People that work there are jerks usually. And seriously, I don't even associate myself with working there yet. It's like when I walk in there, I don't feel like a customer anymore, but I also don't feel like an employee because I have't actually worked any freaking shifts. I'm in a limbo with that stupid store. Fuck that place.
I'm sorry for all the F-bombs, but I'm very upset right now. See? This is what happens when I start thinking about all the crap in my life. There's so much bad, so much. It is physically difficult for me to be happy. I'm really sorry guys that this is so depressing, but I guess... I am depressed. I don't want to be. But it's hard. It's hard to be happy when you feel like there isn't a reason to be.
I just want me boyfriend to get here so I can forget about things for a while. So I won't have to... be shoved into sadness everyday. Then my birthday will be here and... maybe... I will actually be happy. I want to be happy so much I could cry. I miss not worrying. I miss not caring. It was so lovely. Maybe someday... that'll happen again. In the meantime, I'll just try and fight off these clouds of sadness, because that's all I can do.
Later days
Monday, November 7, 2011
On Being Poor
So despite the fact that yes, I do currently have a job, and yes, I will be getting paid this Friday, it still remains that I basically don't have money. I've been getting that stupid phone call from that 503 area code for weeks now, and I finally decided to pick up because I was so tired of getting them. I honestly thought that they were collectors, trying to ask me "Where's our damn money?" for my credit card. But even after I paid some of the amount on my credit card, I still kept getting that phone call.
It was from Wells Fargo, that much I was right about. But they weren't calling on account of my credit card, they were calling because of my checking account. That's almost worse, because a credit card, it's almost expected for that to be hard to pay off, or people to avoid stuff on that end. But checking account stuff... well... it just seems different.
A man informed me that I was about $119 in the red in my checking account. Yeah. I have -$119. How is that even POSSIBLE??? Like, how do banks, let those transactions happen? Either you have the money, or you don't. There is no in between. You don't just let people keep swiping their card, letting them think that there's money in there. Or, worse yet, charge their account for God only knows what. Maybe they were trying to charge my account for my credit card bill or something. So stupid. THIS ISN'T JEOPARDY. If it was Final Jeopardy, then I'd be eliminated because I'd be in the red. Sucks, huh?
Well, the tricky part here is, yes I get paid this Friday, but I NEED the money that I'm getting. I need it for gas and to renew my license. I have to ignore the negative balance for now, because like I said, I need that money. But how can I use the money that I'm getting, if it's going to be in the form of a check? Go to one of those ghetto ass places where they cash checks for you because you have no other option? Do banks cash checks for you? Or are they not allowed to do that? Is that illegal? I don't know... I mean, yes, ideally I would have enough money to get myself out of the red and into some form of actual balance (balance, haha... money humor... XD) And by balance, I mean with my financial situation. So pretty much, this Friday, I'm going to be getting a check, but won't be able to do anything with it. Guess I'm gonna have to stop by one of those places and see if they can help me out... Sigh...
Now onto what pushed me to sit down at my laptop and write out this blog, other than the new things going on in life. I just got a text from my boyfriend, who is essentially going through a similar situation. Now, I don't say the same, because although my situation sucks, his is trickier. I don't have rent, or many bills to worry about paying, thank God. But he does. He just checked the funds in his bank account and, (although I wish he had an online account to look at, that way he'd be more connected to his money) he's just disappointed with things. He's upset about not being able to drive down to see me. Obviously, I'm upset too, but I don't want to rag him about it. That would just make him feel bad. Plus, until I got that check/debit card from EDD, I was in the same spot, worrying about the next time I'd be able to drive up to see him.
Long-distance relationships SUCK. There is no other way to explain them. The whole absence makes the heart grow fonder? Yeah. That's total malarkey. Who the hell says that to someone anyway? Like that will make me feel better? Like that will get rid of the gnawing ache that I have in my chest when I start thinking about him too much or when I get lost in my own thoughts about how much I miss him? People who aren't/haven't been in a long-distance relationship, I feel, don't really understand what it feels like to be far away from the person that you love. Every day. And for me, there is no foreseeable plan for us to not have to go through this. I know it's still the beginning of our relationship, but I've known him for years now. And being far away from him... It's awful. I hate it.
My birthday is next Tuesday. And the plan is for him to drive down to see me and stay the night until like Wednesday. He was also upset because he wanted to get dinner for me, do a nice night out, but I don't think we'll be able to do that considering both of our current circumstances. Which is totally fine, I was imagining going out to dinner with my family as well as him, so it's okay. We'll still have fun eating at the Grill and make the best of it.
Anyway, another long post. I think this might become a routine... but I always have a lot to say XD if anyone is reading this, hope you're enjoying some real-life struggles of a human being. Things are still tough, but I have hope now. And hope is all we ever need.
Later Days
It was from Wells Fargo, that much I was right about. But they weren't calling on account of my credit card, they were calling because of my checking account. That's almost worse, because a credit card, it's almost expected for that to be hard to pay off, or people to avoid stuff on that end. But checking account stuff... well... it just seems different.
A man informed me that I was about $119 in the red in my checking account. Yeah. I have -$119. How is that even POSSIBLE??? Like, how do banks, let those transactions happen? Either you have the money, or you don't. There is no in between. You don't just let people keep swiping their card, letting them think that there's money in there. Or, worse yet, charge their account for God only knows what. Maybe they were trying to charge my account for my credit card bill or something. So stupid. THIS ISN'T JEOPARDY. If it was Final Jeopardy, then I'd be eliminated because I'd be in the red. Sucks, huh?
Well, the tricky part here is, yes I get paid this Friday, but I NEED the money that I'm getting. I need it for gas and to renew my license. I have to ignore the negative balance for now, because like I said, I need that money. But how can I use the money that I'm getting, if it's going to be in the form of a check? Go to one of those ghetto ass places where they cash checks for you because you have no other option? Do banks cash checks for you? Or are they not allowed to do that? Is that illegal? I don't know... I mean, yes, ideally I would have enough money to get myself out of the red and into some form of actual balance (balance, haha... money humor... XD) And by balance, I mean with my financial situation. So pretty much, this Friday, I'm going to be getting a check, but won't be able to do anything with it. Guess I'm gonna have to stop by one of those places and see if they can help me out... Sigh...
Now onto what pushed me to sit down at my laptop and write out this blog, other than the new things going on in life. I just got a text from my boyfriend, who is essentially going through a similar situation. Now, I don't say the same, because although my situation sucks, his is trickier. I don't have rent, or many bills to worry about paying, thank God. But he does. He just checked the funds in his bank account and, (although I wish he had an online account to look at, that way he'd be more connected to his money) he's just disappointed with things. He's upset about not being able to drive down to see me. Obviously, I'm upset too, but I don't want to rag him about it. That would just make him feel bad. Plus, until I got that check/debit card from EDD, I was in the same spot, worrying about the next time I'd be able to drive up to see him.
Long-distance relationships SUCK. There is no other way to explain them. The whole absence makes the heart grow fonder? Yeah. That's total malarkey. Who the hell says that to someone anyway? Like that will make me feel better? Like that will get rid of the gnawing ache that I have in my chest when I start thinking about him too much or when I get lost in my own thoughts about how much I miss him? People who aren't/haven't been in a long-distance relationship, I feel, don't really understand what it feels like to be far away from the person that you love. Every day. And for me, there is no foreseeable plan for us to not have to go through this. I know it's still the beginning of our relationship, but I've known him for years now. And being far away from him... It's awful. I hate it.
My birthday is next Tuesday. And the plan is for him to drive down to see me and stay the night until like Wednesday. He was also upset because he wanted to get dinner for me, do a nice night out, but I don't think we'll be able to do that considering both of our current circumstances. Which is totally fine, I was imagining going out to dinner with my family as well as him, so it's okay. We'll still have fun eating at the Grill and make the best of it.
Anyway, another long post. I think this might become a routine... but I always have a lot to say XD if anyone is reading this, hope you're enjoying some real-life struggles of a human being. Things are still tough, but I have hope now. And hope is all we ever need.
Later Days
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Opportunities
Gosh, I feel like there's already a huge difference from my old posts to today. Everything in life feels so much better it's hardly comparable. I mean sure, there are still some struggles, but overall, things just seem to be much more hopeful and brighter.
So let's start with the whole reason I started this blog in the first place, which is to track and see how my finances can and/or will improve from the first post onward. Now, let's note that when I typed that, I was at the bottom of the bottom, no where to go, everything seemed utterly hopeless. Now, things aren't really the case.
Monday was a horrible day. I missed Tim like there was no tomorrow, I had no idea what to do with myself, my car was running on an empty tank of gas and I had no money in my bank account. To top it off, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I get this letter from the unemployment agency saying that I wouldn't be getting any money because I submitted their form late. Did I say that already in my other post? Oh well. Still needs to be said. Monday was awful.
On Tuesday, basically when all hope seemed lost due to the letter from the EDD and how my boyfriend and I both had a consecutive day off, but no way to see each other, I walk back from class (after begging to any God at all, to please take me there safely because I had no gas) and I see the mail has arrived. (run-on sentence much?) I riffle through it and see something addressed to me, looking all official and when I grab it, I feel plastic inside.
Now, understand this. Something that the EDD is now doing is sending debit cards instead of checks. Maybe it's greener? Maybe it's easier simply channeling the money into the card? Who knows. Either way, when I felt that plastic, addressed to me, I KNEW what it was.
My debit card full of money had arrived.
Guess what the first thing I did was? You bet.
I filled my whole fucking tank.
Second thing I did was get money off of that card, and put it on my freaking credit card bill so I wouldn't have to worry about it as much. Yeah it's weird, since it's a pre-paid debit card, it doesn't have an account number, so I have to physically take it to a Bank of America (which I don't belong to), take the money out and deposit it on my credit card account at Wells Fargo. It's way convoluted, but hey, it's the only time I'm going to have to do it so whatever. So I get this money, I fill my tank, I pay off some money on my credit card and I text my boyfriend telling him I'm going to see him stat.
The only thing that kind of sat awkwardly with me was when I was at Wells Fargo. I walk in and talk to the teller behind the counter. I give him the money to put on my credit card and after I hand him the cash he says,
"So you know what's going on with your checking account right?"
And I just naturally nod my head yes, saying "Yeah. I do." But then he says,
"Oh okay, just because some customers might think it's fraud."
Now THAT stopped me in my tracks. I was assuming that he might have been talking about there being a possible negative balance in my account, but I wasn't too sure. I was honestly too embarrassed to ask in front of that long line of people and this guy, so I decided to play it off like I knew what was happening and didn't ask any further questions regarding it.
I know, I know. Bad Jessica, bad. But I was planning on calling my actual banker guy on the phone and then talking about it. I like the phone banker, because then he doesn't have to see my face when he tells me all the bad things going on in my life in terms of money. There's a phone between us. As well as several states.
So, long story short-- I was finally able to put money on my credit card. That's one small step for Jessica... one giant hill left to climb. Holy crap.
I guess the other cool thing about today was the fact that I also got an offer from my dad to work for him as well. So if all goes well then I'll be able to work for my dad and Old Navy, having a couple different means of money coming in. I was thinking about taking the money I make from dad and putting it aside for a trip with Tim up to a place in wayy Northern California (http://www.redcrestresort.com/redcrest_resort.html) so that would be awesome :) Hopefully it'll work out.
Uuummmm... I can't think of anything else actually! But just know that things are better. Way better then the other day. We'll see how things go!
Later Days
So let's start with the whole reason I started this blog in the first place, which is to track and see how my finances can and/or will improve from the first post onward. Now, let's note that when I typed that, I was at the bottom of the bottom, no where to go, everything seemed utterly hopeless. Now, things aren't really the case.
Monday was a horrible day. I missed Tim like there was no tomorrow, I had no idea what to do with myself, my car was running on an empty tank of gas and I had no money in my bank account. To top it off, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I get this letter from the unemployment agency saying that I wouldn't be getting any money because I submitted their form late. Did I say that already in my other post? Oh well. Still needs to be said. Monday was awful.
On Tuesday, basically when all hope seemed lost due to the letter from the EDD and how my boyfriend and I both had a consecutive day off, but no way to see each other, I walk back from class (after begging to any God at all, to please take me there safely because I had no gas) and I see the mail has arrived. (run-on sentence much?) I riffle through it and see something addressed to me, looking all official and when I grab it, I feel plastic inside.
Now, understand this. Something that the EDD is now doing is sending debit cards instead of checks. Maybe it's greener? Maybe it's easier simply channeling the money into the card? Who knows. Either way, when I felt that plastic, addressed to me, I KNEW what it was.
My debit card full of money had arrived.
Guess what the first thing I did was? You bet.
I filled my whole fucking tank.
Second thing I did was get money off of that card, and put it on my freaking credit card bill so I wouldn't have to worry about it as much. Yeah it's weird, since it's a pre-paid debit card, it doesn't have an account number, so I have to physically take it to a Bank of America (which I don't belong to), take the money out and deposit it on my credit card account at Wells Fargo. It's way convoluted, but hey, it's the only time I'm going to have to do it so whatever. So I get this money, I fill my tank, I pay off some money on my credit card and I text my boyfriend telling him I'm going to see him stat.
The only thing that kind of sat awkwardly with me was when I was at Wells Fargo. I walk in and talk to the teller behind the counter. I give him the money to put on my credit card and after I hand him the cash he says,
"So you know what's going on with your checking account right?"
And I just naturally nod my head yes, saying "Yeah. I do." But then he says,
"Oh okay, just because some customers might think it's fraud."
Now THAT stopped me in my tracks. I was assuming that he might have been talking about there being a possible negative balance in my account, but I wasn't too sure. I was honestly too embarrassed to ask in front of that long line of people and this guy, so I decided to play it off like I knew what was happening and didn't ask any further questions regarding it.
I know, I know. Bad Jessica, bad. But I was planning on calling my actual banker guy on the phone and then talking about it. I like the phone banker, because then he doesn't have to see my face when he tells me all the bad things going on in my life in terms of money. There's a phone between us. As well as several states.
So, long story short-- I was finally able to put money on my credit card. That's one small step for Jessica... one giant hill left to climb. Holy crap.
I guess the other cool thing about today was the fact that I also got an offer from my dad to work for him as well. So if all goes well then I'll be able to work for my dad and Old Navy, having a couple different means of money coming in. I was thinking about taking the money I make from dad and putting it aside for a trip with Tim up to a place in wayy Northern California (http://www.redcrestresort.com/redcrest_resort.html) so that would be awesome :) Hopefully it'll work out.
Uuummmm... I can't think of anything else actually! But just know that things are better. Way better then the other day. We'll see how things go!
Later Days
Monday, October 31, 2011
Family
Family should be your rock right? Your lighthouse, your cheat sheet, your manual on life. But what happens when you start keeping things from them? What happens when things aren't open? Aren't as they were before? Aren't... trusting?
Then walls start building up, secrets are created and separation occurs. And then, you can't trust each other. Family should be your guiding light. But when you keep things from them, it becomes more difficult to express yourself around them. And after a while, you become used to not confiding in them. You get used to the idea of keeping things to yourself. And then they fester. Sure you have friends, but what are friends compared to family? Who have known you since birth? Who love you unconditionally? I'm not saying friends aren't like that, or can't be like that, but family is a different entity. Family is special.
I got frustrated at my sister today because she doesn't really know what I'm going through. She doesn't know the extent of how deep I'm in. She kept suggesting ideas for Halloween costumes for me to wear. But I kept shooting down her ideas due to my lack of money. She insisted that there are other things that I can do without money, use what I have, but I felt so entirely hopeless after receiving that letter today from the EDD telling me I won't be getting a check from them and I have to wait longer to get money. She still doesn't even know that I filed for unemployment. Because she felt the same way that I did about it. That it's just something that lazy people do. Who knows if I'll ever tell her? I'm not really sure... All I really know is that I still have no money and I'm not sure what to do with myself these days.
I wanted to be a crazy cat lady for Halloween, because I know that later on in life that will eventually be my fate. I will be surrounded by cats as my only true companions. Well... hopefully not :P But I would certainly love to own a cat someday.
I promise all my posts won't be as depressing as all get out, but like I said before, things are just a little tough right now. I'll have nice posts too. Probably more in the future, so we'll see how things go.
Happy Halloween everyone.
Then walls start building up, secrets are created and separation occurs. And then, you can't trust each other. Family should be your guiding light. But when you keep things from them, it becomes more difficult to express yourself around them. And after a while, you become used to not confiding in them. You get used to the idea of keeping things to yourself. And then they fester. Sure you have friends, but what are friends compared to family? Who have known you since birth? Who love you unconditionally? I'm not saying friends aren't like that, or can't be like that, but family is a different entity. Family is special.
I got frustrated at my sister today because she doesn't really know what I'm going through. She doesn't know the extent of how deep I'm in. She kept suggesting ideas for Halloween costumes for me to wear. But I kept shooting down her ideas due to my lack of money. She insisted that there are other things that I can do without money, use what I have, but I felt so entirely hopeless after receiving that letter today from the EDD telling me I won't be getting a check from them and I have to wait longer to get money. She still doesn't even know that I filed for unemployment. Because she felt the same way that I did about it. That it's just something that lazy people do. Who knows if I'll ever tell her? I'm not really sure... All I really know is that I still have no money and I'm not sure what to do with myself these days.
I wanted to be a crazy cat lady for Halloween, because I know that later on in life that will eventually be my fate. I will be surrounded by cats as my only true companions. Well... hopefully not :P But I would certainly love to own a cat someday.
I promise all my posts won't be as depressing as all get out, but like I said before, things are just a little tough right now. I'll have nice posts too. Probably more in the future, so we'll see how things go.
Happy Halloween everyone.
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