Family

Family should be your rock right? Your lighthouse, your cheat sheet, your manual on life. But what happens when you start keeping things from them? What happens when things aren't open? Aren't as they were before? Aren't... trusting?

Then walls start building up, secrets are created and separation occurs. And then, you can't trust each other. Family should be your guiding light. But when you keep things from them, it becomes more difficult to express yourself around them. And after a while, you become used to not confiding in them. You get used to the idea of keeping things to yourself. And then they fester. Sure you have friends, but what are friends compared to family? Who have known you since birth? Who love you unconditionally? I'm not saying friends aren't like that, or can't be like that, but family is a different entity. Family is special.

I got frustrated at my sister today because she doesn't really know what I'm going through. She doesn't know the extent of how deep I'm in. She kept suggesting ideas for Halloween costumes for me to wear. But I kept shooting down her ideas due to my lack of money. She insisted that there are other things that I can do without money, use what I have, but I felt so entirely hopeless after receiving that letter today from the EDD telling me I won't be getting a check from them and I have to wait longer to get money. She still doesn't even know that I filed for unemployment. Because she felt the same way that I did about it. That it's just something that lazy people do. Who knows if I'll ever tell her? I'm not really sure... All I really know is that I still have no money and I'm not sure what to do with myself these days.

I wanted to be a crazy cat lady for Halloween, because I know that later on in life that will eventually be my fate. I will be surrounded by cats as my only true companions. Well... hopefully not :P But I would certainly love to own a cat someday.

I promise all my posts won't be as depressing as all get out, but like I said before, things are just a little tough right now. I'll have nice posts too. Probably more in the future, so we'll see how things go.

Happy Halloween everyone.